NY Knicks What If? May 1999

One of my favorite comic series was (is? Do they still print it?) Marvel’s What If? A different writer each month would take an event from Marvel history, change it, and explore the consequences–what if Professor X became the Juggernaut instead of his brother? What if Kraven the Hunter had killed Spider-Man, or Wolverine had killed the Hulk?

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History tells us now that if the 8th-seeded Knicks had been eliminated in the 1st round by Miami in 1999, the Knicks were in talks to fire Jeff Van Gundy and replace him with Phil Jackson. As we all know, that didn’t happen, because this glorious, wonderful, I-injured-myself-celebrating-this-moment moment happened:

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NYK midseason (sorta) review of my preseason preview

Some year’s, the summer NBA offseason’s looked forward to even more than the onseason.

1996 was one of those years. Not only ‘cuz I’d just graduated from high school and my girlfriend’s parents worked late every night, leaving us free run of the house (and each other) the whole time. No, the ’96 offseason had been anticipated by Knick fans for a long time, after a disappointing season.

Bear in mind, back in the magical, Dolan-free years of the 90s, the Knicks could have a season where they advanced to the 2nd round, took a game from the 72-win Bulls and almost a second (stupid Rodman and his stupid assists to stupid Bill Wennington) and have it all considered a massive failure. These days, MSG throws a confetti party for less than that.

Hate her all you want. She's had a better decade than the Knicks.

Hate her all you want. She’s had a better decade than the Knicks.

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Real time Sunday afternoon/downstairs neighbors from hell cont’d

I moved into my current apartment around New Year’s Day. It’s the third floor in a house divided into three units, is super toasty and about a mile from the beach and kinda sorta perfectly-sized for a bachelor who spends the vast majority of his time writing & editing & professoring rather than bacheloring. I figured to be very happy here.
Two weeks after I moved in, a couple moved into the double unit just below me. In the month they’ve been here, the cops have been called on them 4 or 5 times, and could’ve been called another 4-5 times. They fight. Constantly. Violently. It’s ugly. He curses every other word and his larynx only appears to have two settings: silent and full-throated yelling.

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SNATCH VALENTINE by Matthew Miranda

Norfolk, located on the east coast of England, was long considered England’s “second city,” after London, right up to the Industrial Revolution. In the Victorian era, Valentine’s Day held tremendous significance. On this day, Norfolkian? Norfolkite? Norfolker? lovers exchanged gifts with one another.

Like a benevolent game of Ding Dong Ditch, there’d be a knock on your door, you’d open it, no one would be there, you’d look down, and there’d be a gift on your doorstep, said to have been left by Jack Valentine. And because even without a toy aisle, Victorian children were greedy little piles of stress-inducement, parents would leave them gifts as well.

Y'all think Oediups is classic lit. It was a warning! TOO LATE NOW! NOM NOM NOM!!!

Y’all think Oediups is classic lit. It was a warning! TOO LATE NOW! NOM NOM NOM!!!

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Wherefore art thou Melo?

Are you sitting? Good. Brace yourselves: the Knicks have a history of bad-decision making. Such as:

*Letting Xavier McDaniel, Scottie Pippen’s personal Freddy Krueger, leave for the Celtics because they preferred Charles Smith. If I ever run into Pat Riley or Dave Checketts, I’ma be Jimmy Conway grilling Johnny Roastbeef.

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