What is this?

Not really talking these days.
Top men are working out
why.
Top.
Men.

Drove to work today.
Parked.
Sat for 45 minutes.
Thought about having to talk to somebody.
Anybody.
Turned the car on.
Drove away.
I look at my lists.
(Lists help!)
All the things I have to do.
Sit at the computer.
Open a file.
Ready to begin.
Then my head
starts
with all
the
“This is pointless, you know.
(ed. note — We do.)
Anything you do
is less
than the million other million and one things
you’re not doing.”
A moment of silence
– stillness –
for those millions
of moments
of silence.
Of stillness.
Every day
I do this
all
day.
That way all the new
everythings
pile atop
all the nothings
I’ve already done.
That way there’s some
sensation
of getting
something
done.
Imagine being in a submarine
in a war.
A depth charge booms.
The hull ruptures.
Water rushes in
to fill a void
that was
until recently
air.
Life.
Imagine the instant
your slippery mind
realizes
any action you might take
is too late
to stop the wave;
the instant all the places inside
you never thought of as voids
are no more
than somethings
to be filled.
That’s this.

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