Holding pattern

B’s in surgery right now. I’m waiting for the operating nurse to call back and update how it’s going. So far they’ve called twice during the procedure and said it’s going well. I still don’t know what kind of surgery they did, ‘cuz they weren’t gonna know until after they saw how her pancreas looked. It could be something simple or it could end up pretty complicated.

Ro has soccer practice in an hour, after which I’m covering the Knicks game tonight. I’m torn — she loved her first-ever practice two days ago & it’d pro’ly be a welcome distraction for both of us. The weather is beautiful. But even though we have no idea how long the surgery will be and it’s unlikely I can visit B tonight, with her likely to be out of it until after visiting hours end and Ro not allowed in the cancer center, it feels weird & wrong to imagine myself sitting in the sun on the sideline of a soccer practice while my fiancee has a tumor removed and loses some to most of a vital organ.

The last person I cared about who had pancreatic cancer died within a couple weeks of the diagnosis. I’m super grateful B had gall stones that led to the discovery of the tumor. I’m super grateful she’s seeing a renowned surgeon and that they caught this so early in the process. I’m super grateful for how much love & support there’s been from family, friends and even people online we don’t know. What a lovely tribe strangers can be.

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