Things I’m Thankful For: Not Being These People

Star Wars fans and conservative comedienne Katherine Timpf have more in common than they realize, and they’re both proof that even in an ever-competitive global economy, many Americans are still affluent enough to self-absorb themselves straight the fuck outta reality.

Timpf, who occasionally appears on Fox News at three in the morning, made comments last week about her lack of interest in the (latest batch of) new Star Wars movies. Being a professional joke-maker, Timpf made jokes about the franchise and its fans, saying she doesn’t follow the stories because she’s “too busy liking cool things and being attractive.

Apparently, while some Star Wars fans are nuanced enough to lead to the creation of a Wikipedia page devoted to Han shooting first they were ere unable to realize a comedienne was using sarcasm. Timpf was subjected to an onslaught of Twitter hate, including claims she should be raped with a light saber, and of course that old hoary heteropartiarchal standby: she’s ugly and fat.

timpf

And then, because America is 239 years of one fallacy thrown on top of another, Timpf proved she’s no less out-of-this-world than the very intergalactic nerds she derides when she wrote in National Review, “”A lot of people are clearly a lot of upset. But guess what? I’m not apologizing. Why? Because the all-too-common knee-jerk reaction of apologizing for harmless jokes after overblown hysteria is ruining our culture.”  (my emphasis)

So if you’re keeping score, both Timpf and the a-holes who threatened her are missing the big picture. Star Wars fans suggesting a woman should be raped or have her acid thrown on her face because she doesn’t like a FUCKING FICTION that they do are basically ISIS if ISIS’s perceived injustices took place in a fake universe. If you love Star Wars that much, why not take action against George Lucas or big business? Isn’t Darth Vader’s face appearing on a box and Kraft macaroni and cheese more offensive to your belief system than one person in the world not liking it?

Corporate greed surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the true threats to our world together."

Corporate greed surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the true threats to our world together.

But the delusion is strong with Timpf. Meaningless jokes that 99% of the country doesn’t see or care about, hypothetical apologies, and tempest-in-a-tea-cup hysteria are ruining the country? Meet my friends, Katherine: air pollution, dwindling access to fresh water on a global level, desertification erasing arable land the world over, the endless Malthusian expansion of the gap between the have-too-much’s and the don’t-have-enoughs, stockpiles of nuclear, chemical, and biological weapons, etc. If you think an overly-sensitive sense of humor chafes where it hurts, wait’ll your grandchildren are thirsty and roasting every day, their pain only relieved by the onset of a nuclear winter. Or an anthrax attack.

So thank you, Katherine Timpf and malicious nerds everywhere. You’ve reminded us all what to be grateful for this year: not being Katherine Timpf or malicious nerds.

 

 

Greg Hardy, the NFL, Coercion, Misogyny: Peas in a Pod

hardy girl

“He looked me in the eyes and he told me he was going to kill me. I was so scared I wanted to die. When he loosened his grip slightly, I said ‘Just do it. Kill me.'” He also “threw [me] onto a couch covered in assault rifles and/or shotguns.”

A 25-year-old man says this to a 24-year-old woman with his hands around her throat, adding, “Do you want to see crazy? I’ll show you crazy.”

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Last week the same man, Greg Hardy, professional football player, returns to work for the first time since being convicted of assault and communicating threats (a verdict overturned when the woman he’d threatened to kill agreed to a settlement so a jury trial would be dropped) and having a ten-game suspension reduced to four.

Speaking to the media, the now-27-year-old man who threw the woman on a couch covered in guns talks of reporting back to work “guns blazing,” of regretting the fact that threatening and beating a woman has kept him away from his co-workers, who he hopes he hasn’t let down. He expresses no regret to the woman he choked and threw and told he would kill. Continue reading

The longer you live, the farther you get from life

three mouths

I recently joined Twitter. My decision was strictly work-related: I’ve been interviewing a lot of people lately for Posting & Toasting, and a lot of them, in place of email addresses, list Twitter handles for their contact info.

I left Facebook months ago and haven’t missed it one bit. In my first few weeks on Twitter, I learned it’s no social media. It’s antisocial. Took me a while to learn that when people tweet comments or links, they don’t do so to start a conversation. They don’t want to hear what you think about it. They just spit shit out, getting dozens, even hundreds of retweets. They’ll be favorited ad nauseam. But there are never replies. Audience is assumed, required, yet simultaneously superfluous. Twitter’s like a land whose people have three mouths and no ears.